Sunday, August 12, 2007

The Buddha in the Bathroom

This story is a "Best of the Blog" repeat.



If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him. — Buddhist proverb

It had been a long week. The skies were gray and the air was thick. I was sitting back in the recliner thinking about the upcoming game between the Metas and the Pseudos when the phone rang.

Sarah got it.

"Sam and Sarah's existential exterminators — if it can be, we can do! — may I help you?"

It was that season again. Last year it was an outbreak of solipsists and the year before that it was sophists. Sometimes I wonder what motivated me to get into this business. If you pinned me to the ground, I might be willing to admit that Sarah had something to do with it. Just don't tell her, okay? She's into it for the thrill of it. Go figure.

"Hey Sam!"

"What?"

"We've got a Buddha."

This was great. Just fantastic. In this business, there's a couple of words that you really don't want to hear and one of them is Buddha.

"Tell him we'll be right there."

Sarah hung up the phone and I finished my coffee. Slowly. Ten minutes slowly. Sarah glared at me.

"What's the matter, babe?"

Her scowl threatened to burn tiny holes into the backs of my retinas.

"What do you mean what's the matter? You keep bitching that Reality Plus gets more business than us and now that we've got a call you just sit there like a chunk of lard."

That hurt.

"Listen, you said it yourself. He's got a Buddha in the house. It ain't worth the effort."

"She's willing to pay triple rate for us to get rid of the damned thing!"

I jumped up, got my coat on, checked my gear and was out of the door in a matter of milliseconds.

"Well, what are you waiting for," I shouted into the pressure vacuum that I left behind me, "we've got a job to do!"

Sarah drove. We hit sixty down Tao Way, hung a right at Dharma Drive and went half way around Karmic Circle before we got to the house.

Two things struck me. The first thing was wealth. This house was big, white and clean. To call it a mansion would have been technically accurate but I think that calling it a palace would give you a more accurate impression of the place. The other thing that hit me was a bit more ominous: bo trees. Dozens of them. In my opinion, the things should be banned. I just hoped that we'd arrived in time. Once a Buddha gets under a bo tree, there ain't nothing you can do to get it out.

Sarah was, as usual, one step ahead of me and peering into the ontological analyzer.

"Got anything," I asked.

"Yeah. There's a heavy potential for transmigration. The entire area's on the verge of collapsing into Nirvana."

This was bad. Worse than I had thought. There used to be a place called California. Don't bother looking for it on a map, tough. It ain't there, anymore. It was the worst case of philosophical infestation since India blipped off of the map. Some people say that Nirvana's nothing to worry about. In my line of work that just ain't a very funny thing to say.

I wasted no time in heavily lacing the area with Doubt.

"Okay Sam, it looks like it's stabilizing. Let's get inside and hit the root."

I had a feeling that it wasn't going to be that easy.

I paused just long enough to add some Empiricism to the Doubt and to post a "WARNING: PHILOSOPHICALLY UNSTABLE AREA" sign. It was standard procedure following the kinds of standards that should never have to be invoked.

I pounded on the door. A frenzied woman in her mid-sixties opened the door. She look at me, grabbed my arms and shrilled, "Oh thank heavens, you're here! I thought that you'd never arrive! Where were you! Come in, come in! It's got Harold!"

She then buried her head into my shoulder and started to wail like a Banshee. Trust me, I know how Banshees wail.

Sarah took over. Wrenching her away from me, she turned her around and asked Mrs. Walden to get ahold of herself. Eventually she got her calmed down to the point where she could tell us what in the nine hells was going on.

"What happened to Harold?"

"He, he… he went after it. With a baseball bat. A Louiseville Slugger, I think."

"Get on with it," I grumbled impatiently.

Sarah threw a viciously nasty look at me and asked Mrs. Walden to please go on.

"Anyway, he went to get it and then…"

We both knew what was coming next.

"Well, he went in so mad! I was just certain there was going to be smashing sounds, but there weren't. Just silence and some mumbling through the door."

She was trembling slightly and her hands were twisting around like a can full of copulating worms.

"So, I opened the door and all I can see was… it. It and this big cockroach. So I yelled and demanded to know where my Harold was. Then the cockroach answered and said that it was Harold. I'm married to a cockroach!"

I made a mental note: spontaneous degenerative reincarnation. Type 7, if I'm not mistaken. That's the problem with amatures, of course. They don't realize that a Buddha isn't something you want to mess around with.

Mrs. Walden was still babbling.

"He's a very happy cockroach, you know. He stays out of sight and just eats some sugar here and there. It's just that I know that he's seeing another roach! A woman knows these things!"

"Get a grip on yourself," I interrupted, "we need to know where it's at."

"Oh, probably in the back of the cupboard with all of the other roaches, having their roach parties."

"The Buddha, Mrs. Walden, not your husband."

"Oh! It's in the upstairs bathroom. Just get rid of it and I'll pay you anything!"

In my opinion, this was a good time to renegotiate our fee but Sarah caught my eye, shook her head and told Mrs. Walden that we'd get rid of it in no time.

We decided to do a preliminary search before hitting the bathroom. At the very worst, we expected to find a few lower level koans scurrying around. The worst was far worse than that. Oh, there were koans. Thousands of them. I sprayed them with some Zeno to keep them in place. Koans are annoying but, essentially, harmless, so I figured that we could deal with them later.

The real magnitude of the problem surfaced when Sarah buzzed me from one of the upper rooms.

"Sam, get up here! We've got a Vishnu in a closet."

I hit the stairs running. In the final analysis, we found sixteen Vishnus, twelve Brahmas and a Kali. What's worse was that one of the Vishnus was about to pupate into a Shiva. Once you get a Shiva, you might as well forget the exterminators and call out the National Guard. Literally.

I cut away the Vishnus and the Kali with an Occam's razor and dissolved the Brahmas with ReduxoAdAbsurdium ™. The real bad part was that all of the evidence indicated that this wasn't a recent infestation. We went downstairs to have a chat with our client.

"Mrs. Walden," Sarah begin politely, "how long have you had a Buddha in your bathroom?"

"Well, let me see… it was before Aunt Mertie got divorced but after Johnny was caught with a succubus. It was about the time that Cynthia weren't to the hospital to get exorcised. All in all, I'd say about sixteen months."

"Sixteen months," I screamed, "are you insane?"

Sarah told me to shut up. I didn't care.

"Why didn't you give us a call back then, you crazy old hag?"

I stopped when I noticed her expression. It was the hurt look that a dog gives a sadistic master. I suddenly felt the slick feeling of guilt climbing up my throat.

Verging on tears, Mrs. Walden said that, at first, the Buddha seemed harmless.

"After all," she explained, "it said such cute things about trees and ponds and shapes. We even invited our neighbors over to see it. By the time it got to be a nuisance, we were too embarrassed to call an exterminator. Harold said that he would take care of it himself. And now… now… now Harold's gone! I had no one else to turn to. I'm sorry, I really am!"

"Does that answer your question, Sam?"

Sarah's voice was ice. I suppose that I deserved that. How was I to know that, to a bunch of tired, old people, a Buddha would seem like a fun thing to have? Something to break up the tedium. A novelty.

"Come on, Sarah. Let's get rid of Mrs. Walden's Buddha."

After finishing our preliminary search, we went up to the infected bathroom. Cautiously opening the door, I snuck a peek inside. A portly, bald figure in a saffron robe sat complacently upon the toilet as if it were an emperor on a throne. Its face was a study in serenity. It appeared to be studying a role of toilet paper with unfocused eyes.

Sarah already had the ontological analyzer set up.

"Bad. It's at least a Level 12 Bodhisattva."

I decided that a direct frontal assault was best. I shoved the fumigator under the door and pumped six liters of Descartes. The residual fumes that escaped the bathroom filled us with a profound sense of self-existence.

I once heard of one guy who tried this trick on an enclave of solipsists. Worst idea in the world. He had to subcontract out to another firm before he could control the population explosion of the egotistic buggers. A Buddha is an entirely different matter. A Buddha that believes in its own existence is one less Buddha to deal with.

After waiting five minutes for the Descartes to take effect, I opened the door. Fat boy was still on its throne. It looked over to me and said, in a voice as mellow as sunlight on a pond, "It is unbecoming to become."

I slammed the door shut. Five more second and my partner might have been working with a wombat.

We spent the next five hours pumping in various chemical combinations. We sprayed it with Sartre and Aristotle, wasted twelve cans of Kant and even tried a mixture of Galileo, Newton and Einstein with a chaser of Logical Positivism. In the meanwhile, it's contemplations remained undisturbed.

Frustrated and tired, and still feeling guilty for snapping at Mrs. Walden, I turned to Sarah and said, "There's only one thing left to do. I've got to go in there and face it directly, man to archetypal incarnation."

Sarah had a strange look in her eyes. It almost seemed like respect. With a whisper, she replied, "Let me help you with your gear."

After suiting up, putting in my ontological nose filters, and taking a very deep breath of Descartes, I slammed the door open and burst into the bathroom.

"Okay, Buddha, I want to talk to you!"

Tilting its head, it replied with morning dew calm, "But what is you and what is I?"

"You're a nuisance and I'm the guy who's going to get rid of you!"

"To get rid of, there must be self and direction. There are neither."

I was sweating. Like The Little Train that Was, I started chanting to myself, over and over, I think; therefore I am… I think; therefore I am… I think; therefore I am.

Reality solidified a bit.

"Why don't you leave Mrs. Walden alone?"

"One must always be alone within the self until there is no self to be alone with. This is the only freedom from suffering and rebirth."

I think; therefore I am...

"If that's true, what are you doing sitting in a bathroom?"

"Was it a bathroom before you realized it was a bathroom?"

I think; therefore… I think, um, damn, how does that go?

"Why can't you give me a straight answer?"

"Why do you give me crooked questions that have no answer?"

I think; therefore I'm… not? No, no, no, no!

"Bullshit! All questions have answers."

"What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

I… shit, what was it?

He almost had me. Dimly, I heard another voice. Sarah's voice.

"The tape, Sam! Play the tape!"

Suddenly I realized that I had the Buddha exactly where I wanted it. It took years of study, thousands of volunteer amputees and the most sophisticated synthesizers on the market, but it was worth it. Teeth gritted, I pulled out a special loop-tape from my kit and played the extremely disturbing sound of one hand clapping.

The Buddha's eye's focused. It tilted its head to one side, sat motionless for a minute and said, "Oh."

With a faint pop, it disappeared.

I think that I must have passed out right after that. The next thing that I remember is having my head in Sarah's lap, which felt very nice, and hearing her say, "Good job, Sam! You did it."

That felt even nicer.

Later on, we went downstairs. Harold was back to normal. The Waldens insisted that we stay for dinner which was a proposition that neither of us choose to argue against. After dinner, he wrote out a check for six times the original amount.

"Son, life as a cockroach only has so many pleasures. I'm glad to be a man, again."

When we got back into the office, I poured myself into the recliner. I intended to stay there for a few thousands millennia. The phone rang. Summoning all of my energy, I yelled at Sarah not to pick up the…

"Sam and Sarah's Existential Exterminators — if it can be, we can do! — how may I help you?"

I groaned.

"Hey, Sam!"

"Yeah?"

"We got a Messiah on Maple Street."

I'll say this much: the hours are long and the pay is low but, at least, life is exciting.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Examining the Argument from Accountability

This article is a "Best of the Blog" repeat


For centuries philosophers have been debating the existence of Free Will. One of the curious features of this debate is how lopsided it is. Over the millennia thousands, if not tens of thousands, of arguments in defense of the proposition that we free willed entities have been put forth. By contrast, there have been a mere handful of largely timid counter-arguments. In any other debate, one would suppose that the mere fact of overwhelming consensus would render the debate into nothing more than an academic curiosity with, at most, a small group of devotees. When one reads between the lines, one gets a sense that even though the majority of people fervently insist that we have free will there is, never the less, a deep and abiding fear that we may not. I believe that it is this fear or, more precisely, these fears that I believe are being argued against.

The reason that I use the plural of fear to describe the situation is that it seems that there are a multitude of concerns that people have with regards to the possibility that we may not be free agents. The philosopher Daniel Dennett addresses a number of these fears in his book Elbow Room: The Varieties of Free Will Worth Wanting (such as the fear of loss of self, the fear of nihilism, the fear of "sphexishness" and so on) before going on to argue his own stance that we are free enough. It is not my intention, in this essay, to make an argument either for or against free will — except to note that I have yet to encounter a definition of the term that didn't result in either infinite regress, question begging terminations, an assertion of randomness, an equivocation, or which was, simply put, incoherent — but rather to address one of the more common fears which is often stated as an argument for the existence of free will.

The basic form of the argument is that if we did not have free will, we would not be able to hold people accountable for their actions therefore, since we do hold people accountable, we must have freedom of will. It does not take a trained logician to see that the argument is faulty. The fundamental problem of the argument is that it commits an inversion of the Naturalistic Fallacy. Whereas the common form of the naturalistic fallacy conflates is with ought ("since survival of the fittest is the rule of nature, we should let the poor starve to death"), this particular form confuses ought with is. Essentially, the argument assumes that if we can not hold people accountable for their actions, society would collapse. Since this would be a bad thing, we must be able to hold them accountable. This requires the existence of free will. Ergo, people have free will.

The primary problem with this line of deduction is the assumption that the universe must necessarily conform itself to our desires. Clearly, the universe is under no necessary obligation to do so. I could just as easily say that suffering would be bad therefore there must be no suffering in the world. Unless one is willing to entertain the ad hoc supposition that all suffering is an illusions (and I'll leave it to the reader to ponder what possible distinction can be made between real misery and imaginary misery), the evidence of the universe flatly contradicts the assumption. If you don't believe that suffering is a good example (perhaps you are a Christian Scientist), I'm sure you can think of any number of examples of how the universe ought to be but isn't (at the very least, the universe ought not deceive us into believing that we suffer). Even if we ought to be able to hold people accountable for their actions, we have no guarantee that we will be able to logically do so.

Fortunately, the second fault of the argument is the presumption that freedom of will is necessary for the existence of the rule of law. Dispelling this view is going to be more challenging because we have a number of intuitions regarding the nature of accountability that stand in the way of seeing why free will is an unnecessary component to the issue.

The first concept that I need to address is the concept of responsibility. In philosophical terms, responsibilities pertain to certain types of causal relationships. Causal relationships, in turn, can be described in terms of cause and effect. A given cause is considered to be proximate to an effect if there is an immediate correlation between it and the effect. An ultimate cause, by contrast, sits at the end of a change of proximate causes.

One way to illustrate this is to consider an avalanche. The proximate cause to an avalanche might be a boulder that started rolling down a bill. To proximate cause to the boulder rolling down the hill might be a high gust of wind pushing against it. And so forth and so on. Trying to reach the ultimate cause of the avalanche might well lead us back through issues of climatology, geology, planetary formation, stellar genesis and so on all the way back to the Big Bang and, perhaps, even beyond that. This is a crucial difference between proximate causes and ultimate causes. When talking about proximate causes, we don't need to extend our investigations beyond the mundane bounds of the everyday world that we live in. When the subject turns to ultimate causes, though, we invariably enter a realm dominated by questions of philosophy, theology and cosmology. It is for this reason that ultimate causation, as interesting as the topic may be to us on an intellectual level, rarely enters into our concerns when it comes to the pragmatic issue of how to deal with a given causal arrangement.

Let us consider the issue of avalanches. Avalanches are a problem. It is in our interests to either prevent avalanches from occurring or, failing that, to prevent people from being harmed by avalanches. When grappling with this issue, we do not turn to cosmologist for their insights into the deep ontological questions of what initial conditions at the origin of time (if time, indeed, has an origin point) lead to the existence of a universe where avalanches occur. Doing so would not only pose a set of problems that, in all likelihood, may well be insurmountable but, indeed, even if we could answer the question of what ultimately causes avalanches, doing so would give us no insights in how to deal with the immediate issue. In order to make headway on that problem, we have to restrict the domain of our inquiries to the proximate and the near proximate.

Let us say that we have determined that loose patches of snow tend to lead to avalanches (a proximate cause leading to a proximate effect). We may decide that setting off explosives to clear out loose snow would help forestall future avalanches — that is, using a proximate solution to anticipate a different proximate effect. We may post warning signs in areas where avalanches are likely in the hopes of preventing people from being in the path of an avalanche. Note that if we do post such signs, we only need to concern ourselves with the immediate fact that warning signs are a deterrent to people being in a danger area. We don't need to worry about deep issue of nature vs. nurture or whether any given person is ultimately free to obey or disobey the sign. Our interests are pragmatic and do not need to be concerned with deep philosophical questions.

We apply proximate standards and solutions to the vast majority of problems that face us. Questions of free will are not proximate questions. The question of free will invariably plunges into deep ontological considerations of whether or not we are ultimately free agents. Such discussions may well be fascinating but why ought we attempt to apply a question of ultimate causality to the proximate concerns inherent in crime and punishment?

Let us first ask ourselves why we want to be able to hold others legally and socially responsible for their actions. I will propose that our reasons fall into four broad concerns: quarantine, rehabilitation, deterrence and retribution. Quarantine is the principle that a person who has demonstrated that they are a danger to the rest of society must be sequestered away from society in order to prevent them from causing further harm. Rehabilitation is the theory that punishing someone for antisocial acts can lead to a state of moral and social improvement such that they may be rehabilitated back into society as an improved individual. The theory of deterrence suggests that by punishing one person for unacceptable behavior will have the effect of discouraging others from following similar courses of action. Finally, retribution is the desire to cause harm to those who have harmed others. It is the retributive stance that says that convicts be made to suffer for their crimes in order to pay for what they've done. It is, essentially, a moral theory based on the notion that one's actions should be balanced by an equivalent set of consequences. We must now ask ourselves if a theory of free will is necessary to accomplish these goals.

Most proponents of free will argue that an individual must be a free moral agent in order to be held to any sort of accountability for their actions. It is not enough that we can demonstrate that a given individual stabbed another individual to death. If that person can not be shown to be ultimately responsibility for their actions, there is no logical basis by which we can charge them, try them, or sentence them for their actions. We would not, after all, hold someone accountable for murder if it could be proven that a mad scientist had seized control of their brains and made them do horrible things against their will, now would we? As such, how can we hold a person responsible for their actions if they were the product of bad genes or an abusive environment or, ultimately, just a puppet dancing under the controlling strings of uncountable deterministic permutations leading back to the origin of the universe? It is argued that a presumption of free will is critical to the existence of any system of justice and that it's absence negates the very concept of just action. Without free will we can't accomplish our goals because the very framework of law is a sham.

Is this true, though? Let us consider our first goal: quarantine. Leaving aside the question of free will, for a moment, why do we want to quarantine criminals in the first place? The answer is self-evidently that if didn't quarantine those who have proven themselves to be a danger we would fear that that their continued freedom would pose a threat to the rest of us. We would not want someone who has already raped several women (or even one woman!) to walk the streets for fear that he would continue to rape more women. A burglar might continue to rob. A murder might murder again. It is worth noting that all of these concerns are rooted in the expectation that people are not utterly free agents. We act as though people are, in fact, biased by their previous experiences and prone to repeat them. It would seem that a pristine theory of free will would allow us to assume that one day a person could choose to be a murderer and the next, just as easily, not to murder anyone else. Indeed, a pristine theory of free will would suggest that any one of us are just as free to go on a crime spree as anyone else and that there's no good reason to treat those who have already done so with especial caution. I will not pursue this line of argument, however, because I am certain that I will be accused of erecting strawmen if I do. Never the less, it is worth noting that even the staunchest advocates of free will are willing to concede that we do have experiential constraints upon our actions – Mother Theresa did not have the same moral latitude in her choices as Charlie Manson did.

I would ask, rather, to consider an agent that indisputably lacks free will. Let us suppose that it is discovered that a given car has a faulty brake line. We know, using proximate logic, that allowing that car on the road would likely lead to accident, injury and possibly death. It is, quite literally, a dangerous vehicle. What moral justification do we need to obtain in order to ban it from the roads? Must we prove that the car wants to be a killer? Do we need to demonstrate that the car wasn't a product of its environment and manufacture? Must we tread lightly around the fear that there are things beyond the scope of the car that made it what it is? Do we have to be able to morally condemn the car for what it has become? No, of course we don't have to do any of these things. We may well choose to ponder why the car became as it is but the critical consideration of how to actually deal with it only needs to consider that it is, in fact, as it is. It is sufficient to demonstrate that the car is a danger and that we have every reason to think that putting it on the roads would be to put others at risk.

It is obvious that a dangerous machine, like a defective car, lacks any sort of will (free or otherwise) but the freedom of the machine has no bearing on the decisions we make in dealing with it. The danger it poses is enough, in and of itself, to motivate us to act to mitigate the danger. Why do we presume, then, that we must we be paralyzed in the face of the possibility that a given individual may not have ultimate moral responsibility for their actions? If a person has demonstrated that they are a threat to others, this is all the cause we need to segregate them from others.

Ah, but what of our mind controlling mad scientist? Doesn't this say that we should imprison the poor person that he's enslaved with his mind control device? If not, how does this different from being a slave to a deterministic universe? I would answer that my saying that, yes, the very first thing that we should do is, in fact, detain him so that he won't keep killing people while under the nefarious influence of a madman. It would be reckless to allow someone to go around stabbing people just because it was under someone else's influence. Once we have successfully detained him, we would want to break the control that the scientist had over him. It would not be until that point that we could afford to release him. This brings us to the question of rehabilitation.

It is important to note that the concept of rehabilitation is a fairly modern invention. In ancient times, the primary methods of justice were punitive. Often, punishment was simply tantamount to torture or a form of state sponsored vengeance whose primary function was to short circuit the endless cycles of vendetta that vigilante justice tends to promote. Never the less, the theory that punishment can be used to rehabilitate criminals has not only gained currency in the modern world but it is based upon the realization that any successful efforts to rehabilitate a criminal would represent a net gain to society since the rehabilitated criminal would, in principle, would be able to contribute to the social good.

Do we need a theory of free will in order to hope that a given person could be rehabilitated into a productive member of society? No. To demonstrate this we will, once again, utilize the example of an agent that is not considered to have free will: non-sapient animals. Very few philosophers would contend that dogs are free agents, for instance. While we may say that a given dog is a "bad dog" for making a mess on the carpet, we aren't using the term as a moral evaluation of the animal's conduct. We understand that dogs do not have a well developed sense of agency. When we correct a dog, the only thing that we are relying on is that the dog will be able to remember the rebuke and will associate the rebuke with the undesirable act and will, with repeated corrections and the proper application of positive enforcements, become trained not to defecate indoors.

Training is the cornerstone of any theory of rehabilitation. All that is required is that the agent in question is sufficiently intelligent to respond to the training and sufficiently motivated to take the lessons to heart. The amount of intelligence required is actually fairly small. If one is tempted to assign free will to dogs, we can shift the considerations to cats, mice, or even worms if faced with a particularly aggressive skepticism. So long as an agent has some degree of memory and some aversion to corrective stimuli, it can be trained to avoid a given course of action. Humans, of course, are significantly more complex than dogs, cats, et al. This complicates efforts towards rehabilitation but it also allows for more sophisticated sorts of association.

Whether rehabilitative treatments work or not is a question that I will not attempt to address except to note that the data is complex, controversial and, all too often, equivocal. It does appear that certain social deviations are more prone to efforts at correction than others (pedophilia being a prime example of a condition that does not seem to respond to rehabilitative efforts, thus throwing a counterexample to the proposition that we may freely choose to morally improve ourselves) but in no case are we required to believe that a person must be a free agent in order to assume that said person could, in theory, be trained to be a better person. Let us now examine deterrence.

The theory of deterrence essentially amounts to a kind of preemptive rehabilitation at a distance. The idea behind the theory is that having a sufficiently harsh punishment for a given crime, people who might be tempted to commit the crime will think twice. With any hope, they will decide that the potential gains of committing the crime will be outweighed by the potential costs.

We like to believe that crime doesn't pay. Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that crime often does pay. A person who deals drugs, for instance, can often make tens of thousands of dollars a month while his law abiding compatriots are forced to subsist on a fraction of that wealth. It is delusional to think that all criminals are caught. At best, we can hope that most criminals are caught. Even in the cases where a criminal is apprehended, his apprehension does not negate the harm he's done. We may be pleased when a murderer is taken off the streets but that can only offer so much comfort to the families of his victims.

By making the cost of a crime high enough, we hope to prevent crime thus reducing the number of individuals that get away with crimes unapprehended as well as preventing acts of victimization before they happen. In order for a theory of deterrence to work, we need a fairly sophisticated sort of agent. It is not sufficient that an agent can learn to avoid a course of action as a result of his own experiences; we must have an agent intelligent enough to anticipate the consequences of an action before the fact (what is sometimes called a Popperian agent). Fortunately, human beings are such agents.

Consider a room with a sign that says "DANGER: VX NERVE GAS, DO NOT ENTER". It is rather unlikely that you've been exposed to nerve gas before (otherwise you'd probably be dead). Never the less, so long as you understand the sign (e.g., you can read English) and appreciate the consequences, you are unlikely to enter the room. Once again, our capacity to perform proximate evaluations allows us to realize that if we open the room, we might die. Since most people are adverse to dying, most people would, therefore, choose to leave the room undisturbed.

The only thing that a theory of deterrence requires a handful of critical ingredients:
  1. That a given set of actions will result in a predetermined set of consequences

  2. The presence of agents who are aware of the consequences

  3. An inherent aversion to the consequence in a majority of the agents

  4. The ability for the agents to associate their potential actions to the consequences

  5. That the consequences are sufficiently steep to offset any benefits of performing the actions

The capacity to anticipate consequences is a sophisticated ability but it is not necessary to posit that we are free agents in order to account for this. In point of fact, knowledge of danger tends to have the effect of limiting our free will. I may be perfectly capable of driving off of a cliff if I don't know that it's there but, once I see a sign warning me that the road I'm on leads to a cliff, my instinctual sense of self-preservation is going to inhibit my ability to keep driving along. If I were a perfectly free agent, of course, I could just as easily decide to keep on driving as not but, as I've noted above, all but the most ardent supporters of free will shall readily concede that we aren't that free.

Given that efforts towards deterrence are intended to inhibit our choices, the contention that we are required to be free agents in order to make a theory of deterrence work is defeated by self-contradiction. Even more critically, the only criteria that matters in order to advance a system of deterrence is whether or not the efforts to deter others from the set of proscribed actions does, in fact, succeed in its goal. A system of deterrence that doesn't work should be rejected. One that does work may well be embraced (so long as it doesn't conflict with other moral goals). In this context, the issue of free will is simply a non-sequitur.

Finally, we come to retribution. Retribution is not the same as generic punishment. Because we are social animals, any sort of quarantine will be automatically punitive (which is one reason that solitary confinement is often used as a supplementary punishment in prisons), punitive actions are typically considered necessary to foster criminal rehabilitation, and efforts at deterrence would be toothless unless we actually carried out the threat of punishment. Given this, retribution must be considered actions that go above and beyond these goals. Retributive justice is punishment for the sake of punishment (although it is often phrased in terms of obtaining a moral balance). Typically it is based on the notion that a criminal deserves his fate and must be made to suffer because he freely chose his course of action.

Here, at last, we have a cause that seems to logically appeal to a sense of free will. If we do not believe that being are ultimately responsible for their own actions, it becomes more difficult to justify a course of action that is based solely on a desire to inflict harm.

The first question I would raise to this contention is to ask whether or not this is a desirably goal for a civilized society. While I would agree that there is something inside of us that wants to hurt those who have hurt us (and where does this innate desire stand with respect to our own supposed free will — but I digress), should this be something that we want to do as a culture? Historically we have been moving away from doing so. As an example of this, the crime for theft, in most of the civilized world, is not amputation but incarceration. I don't doubt that there are still people (especially the victims of robbery) who might long for the old days when thieves would lose their hands but, as a society, we consider such a punishment excessive. The notion that the punishment should fit the crime and that it should serve to promote social order is central to modern theories of justice. Vengeance may well be sweet but it isn't considered to be civilized.

It does behoove us to recognize that the meaning of civilization has changed dramatically over time. The Romans, certainly, would have had little difficulty with the idea that we should torture convicts (and even made a sport out of it). Who is to say that our own moral qualms represent the high water mark of civilization? Who is to say that some future society won't find our notion of a balance between a crime and a punishment to be a hopelessly quaint invention and an artifact of our place in history? If this is the case, must we appeal to a theory of free will in order to justify a belief in retribution? Perhaps not.

In order to consider the question of retribution we must first ask ourselves why retribution would be desirable. We can not appeal to its rehabilitative effects and we can not appeal to its deterrent effects since doing so would mean that we were either talking about a system of rehabilitation or a system of deterrence. Punishment for the sake of punishment must provide its own justification for its necessity. Perhaps we can appeal to human nature. Maybe there's something inside of us that needs to see villains suffer. If that's the case, though, an appeal to free will is the last thing we want. Instead, we would be better served to actively deny our own free will — we indulge in excess punishment because we have no choice! Perhaps we should punish criminals beyond the strict limits of necessity in order to make the victims of criminalization feel better. Maybe there's a sort of moral catharsis that we are denying to something who has, for instance, been raped by our prissy restraints on torture and mutilation. If that's the case, though, then our reason isn't punishment for the sake of punishment but, rather, punishment for the sake of emotional recompensation (this would likewise apply to any theory of punishment that appealed to a desire for moral balance). Surely if that's the case, any supposition of free will is unnecessary; all that is required is an agent that requires this means of punitive balance. Again, supposing free will actually complicates the issue because we could suppose that a victim has the freedom to simply choose not to need any sort of sanctioned retribution.

It is possible that I am being unimaginative. I must consider the possibility that there is some reason that would justify punishment for the sake of punishment and that such a reason would demand a theory of free will to justify it. What then? If free will proved to be a chimera, would the very notion of law crash to our feet? No. The only thing that would be lost is the principle of retribution. The principle would have to be dismissed precisely because it was unjustified by the facts of the universe. In its place, we would still have the option of having legal institutions based on the principles of quarantine, rehabilitation, deterrence and, perhaps, emotional recompensation. Since all of these allow (and even demand) punishment, criminals would continue to be punished for their crimes regardless of whether or not we considered them to have any sort of ultimate responsibility for their actions. Likewise, the degree of punishment we could apply may well be very broad — even the ultimate punishment of death could, in principle, be made to fit the demands of these goals. All we would lose is the justification to apply an arbitrarily harsh punishment for any given crime. I would contend that this is a very small loss.

Have I dispensed with free will, then? No. My goal has not been to address the reality or unreality of free will. The question of whether or not we have free agency is beyond the scope of this essay and, I dare say, probably beyond the ability of anyone to resolve conclusively. The only thing that I have hoped to accomplish is the banishment of a particular fear regarding the subject of free will. We rightly desire the stability of our societies and the rule of law (anarchists to the contrary) is a critical component of that stability. If our systems of crime and punishment did, in fact, require freedom of will then we would have cause to fear the possibility that free will might only be a philosopher's dream. Fortunately, our punitive institutions are not such fragile things. Whether our actions are in our genes, our upbringing, or in some sort of ephemeral soul, the legal foundations of our society will persist.

Friday, August 10, 2007

A Brief Hiatus

My girlfriend is flying into town tonight and will be here through Tuesday.

I've decided that, all things considered, it would probably be better for me to focus my attention on her instead of the blog, so I'll be taking a small break.

New posts will resume on Wednesday.

Unstructured Archetypes: The Swarm

Locutus of BorgThey are the Borg. They are the Daleks. They are the Berserkers. They are the Zerg.

The parts of The Swarm may be male or female, but the Swarm is none of these. Gender roles are irrelevant to The Swarm.

The Swarm is Many. The Swarm is made of many parts. Its components are living beings.

The Swarm is One. The Swarm is an It and not a They.

The Swarm is not Evil. The Swarm is not Good. The Swarm is amoral. It does not think in terms of Good and Evil, because it does not find those concepts useful.

If sex has any place in The Swarm, it is strictly as a method of reproduction. Sexual pleasure is unknown to The Swarm. Reproduction is all that matters.

New parts of the Swarm may be built in factories or grown in artificial wombs.

The individual is unimportant. All that matters is the good of The Swarm.

Each part serves The Swarm. Each part will sacrifice itself without hesitation to protect The Swarm. The Swarm is all.

The parts of the swarm may be able to think for themselves, but none of them truly have a Self. Any flickering sense of identity is subordinated to the whole.

The Swarm is often, but not always, caste based. Within a caste, all members are identical. There may be a leader or a ruling caste, or the group as a whole may make decisions. The former case must never be mistaken for individuality. The latter case must never be mistaken for democracy.

There are no names in the Swarm. There is only the name of the Swarm. There may be labels made of random letters or numbers, but these are not names.

The Swarm cares only about Itself. All other races and beings are either obstacles, enemies, or raw material.

The Swarm craves power and strength. The Swarm values survival and expansion. The Swarm does not tolerate inefficiency or imperfection.

Corollary: The Swarm shows no compassion and no mercy. It will eliminate any part of itself should that part show any flaw or any sign of weakness.

Second Corollary: Individuality is a flaw and a sign of weakness.

The Swarm is the ultimate xenophobe. It sees all other forms of life as weak, impure, and unworthy of respect.

The Swarm will do one of two things when it encounters the Other: Eliminate it, or incorporate it.

Assimilation is consumption. The only thing The Swarm retains are those things which improve its strength. Culture and identity are completely obliterated, save for those bits that The Swarm finds useful.

The Swarm is relentless. Once it has decided on an objective, it will never stop pursuing that objective. It can be driven back temporarily, but it will always return.

Every part of The Swarm is dangerous. However, the parts of The Swarm are crippled when they are separated from the Swarm. To the extent that they can, they will feel distress.

If you isolate a single part from the rest of The Swarm, it will either summon others or create new ones.

If isolated and cared for, a part may become a person and thus be redeemed. Such a person will be a potent weapon against The Swarm. The Swarm will go to great lengths to recover or eliminate these rogue elements.

The true danger of The Swarm lies in their numbers, their relentlessness, and their willingness to sacrifice themselves for the good of The Swarm.

You cannot intimidate The Swarm. The Swarm does not feel fear. Its parts have no instinct for self-preservation.

You cannot negotiate with The Swarm. You have nothing to bargain with. If you did, The Swarm would simply take it from you by force.

You cannot run from The Swarm. It is faster than you. It does not need to rest or refuel.

The Hero knows that The Swarm cannot be reasoned with. This never stops The Hero from trying.

The Swarm could easily defeat The Hero and his army, but The Swarm is arrogant. Its arrogance leads it to underestimate The Hero. This invariably leads to its defeat.

The Swarm can be defeated, but never *utterly* defeated. It always lives to fight another day.

The Swarm may view God as a fable for the weak, or it may view its own actions as the will of God. It may even view itself as God. Whatever the case, do not expect religious tolerance from The Swarm.


This post has been contributed by Rob Berry. Rob Berry is a programmer who lives in Hilliard, Ohio with his wife and three sons. He epitomizes the archetype of The Geek.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Another Take on Archetypes

FYI, 10 Zen Monkeys have put together their own take on the subject in the form of a list of ten male archetypes. Rather than using classic archetypes, they use cultural icons such as John Wayne and Harry Potter on a sliding scale from most traditionally masculine to the most "sensitive".

Unstructured Björk



In all honesty, I think that Björk is an overrated singer. While I would agree that she has a unique voice and that her lyrics are creative, I don't believe that uniqueness and creativity always suffice. That said, I don't think that there's any questions that her videos are the best around.

As an extra bonus, I decided to throw in The Brunching Shuttlecock's Björk Song.

"Björk, Björk, were you brought by the stork..."

Unstructured Archetypes: The Mentor

He is Merlin. He is Yoda. He is Morpheus. He is Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez.

He is a man. There are no female Mentors. The nearest female Archetype is The Wise Woman.

The Mentor’s role is to guide the Hero.

The Mentor provides both moral and martial guidance. The former is the more important.

The Mentor is always older than the hero. He may also be of a higher social rank but this is not a requirement. Often the mentor comes from a place entirely outside of the Hero’s social system.

The Mentor will usually find the Hero, unless Destiny guides the Hero to the Mentor.

The Mentor is a keeper of secrets. His own origins are usually mysterious.

The Mentor knows how to fight but is not, himself, a warrior. If he fights, it is only out of necessity.

The Mentor can not defeat the Villain, nor can he Save the Day. He can provide vital assistance but he can not tread on the Hero’s domain.

The Mentor does not have a One True Love (unless she is buried deep in his past). The Mentor’s love is reserved for the Hero.

At some point, the Mentor will part paths with the Hero. This is necessary for the Hero to Fulfill his Destiny.

The Mentor is celibate; however, he can be Beguiled by a Fallen Woman.

The Mentor is both wise and learned. He is frustrated that the Hero is slow to learn.

If the Mentor is killed, he will be avenged. Avenging the Mentor must take a lower priority to avenging the One True Love.

The Mentor can be strict and can seem cruel, at times, but he is motivated by love for the Hero.

The Mentor is virtuous but tricky. He is also dangerous to his enemies.

The Mentor is spiritual but not religious.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

New Poll

I've put up a new poll. The question refers to how links are opened. Some sites will open the link in a new window that will either appear as a pop-up or a new tab (depending on your browser and settings). Other sites will open links in the same window, moving you to a new site.

This link opens in a new window
This link opens in the same window

There are pros and cons to either approach so I'd like to know what you, the readers, would prefer.

Please take a moment to vote.

"You don't know the history of mind melds! I know the history of mind melds!"

Warning: you are about to read an uber-geeky post.

If you remember the original series, you may recall one character who was horribly disfigured and consigned to a life-support wheelchair where he was limited to beeping out yes and no answers to questions. That was the character of Captain Christopher Pike and he was featured in one of the most beloved episodes entitled The Menagerie.

In any case, there's a rumor that J.J. Abrams (of Lost fame) would like Tom Cruise to play Captain Christopher Pike in the upcoming Star Trek movie. This has caused a great deal of wailing and kvetching in the geek community, which brings us to:

The Top Ten List of Actual Responses to the Cruise-as-Pike Rumor (as Seen on Digg)

10. The movie is already destined to bomb, are they looking for a guarantee?

9. Is he going to act in the movie or just be a fact checking resource for space travel and alien accuracy?

8. I like the idea only if it involves the older Captain Pike in his vegetative state[...]. In this case, Tom Cruise is perfect for the part!

7. To boldly go where no movie should ever have gone.

6. Only if he's wearing a red shirt.

5. When are the Jews going to take Hollywood back from the Scientologists?

4. Captain, Scientology is a scam and a cult. You are being highly illogical.

3. Beep Beep! ... Beep Beep!

2. My buddies didn't die face down in the mud for this.

And the number one comment is... [drumroll]

1. TOMMMMMMMMM!!!


Comments courtesy of the Digg user community. List courtesy of Rob Berry.

Unstructured Archetypes: The Warrior


He is Achilles. He is Hercules. He is Conan. He is Red Sonja.

He is a man. Even when he is a woman, he is really a man.

He lives to fight. Combat defines him. He can go on Quests, but for him the point of a Quest is the combat to be had on the way to the Goal.

His moral universe is simple and monochromatic; however, instead of seeing the world as divided between Good and Evil, he sees it in terms of Friend and Foe.

If you are his Friend, he will love you unconditionally. If you are his Foe, he will hate you unconditionally. There is no middle ground. If you are neither Friend nor Foe, you are basically invisible to him.

The Warrior is a killer. He sees no moral conflict in killing a Foe. Leaving a Foe alive is a moral failing.

He is basically a good person but can do Bad Things.

The Warrior will sometimes kill Friends or Innocents. This will only happen as a result of rage or drunkenness. When it does happen, he will be regretful and repentant. He will need to go on a quest for Redemption. This Quest will require him to kill lots of Foes.

The Warrior does not have a One True Love. To the extent he thinks about women at all, it is as conquests or rewards for conquests.

He likes sex, especially when it takes the form of wenching. He is not, however, kinky. He prefers straightforward copulations.

The Warrior will never Put Down his Sword. He can only Die in Combat. The thought of dying in bed is shameful to him.

He doesn’t trust intellect. The solution to all problems is a sufficient quantity of force. His specialty is jamming square pegs into round holes.

He probably believes in God but doesn’t really care what God thinks.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Bat Boy, RIP

Bat Boy
I have never approved on magazines like The National Enquirer or The Sun. I've always considered them to be exercises in tawdriness; deliberate appeals to that which is the basest part of our nature. That said, I have always been fond of The Weekly World News. Although it shared tabloid space with those other magazines, I always considered it to be a self-aware parody of those other magazines.

I don't think that the editors of the WWN ever expected people to believe that Bat Boy was alive and well, or that Ross Perot was meeting with aliens, or that Dick Cheney was a robot (okay, maybe the last). The WWN's goal was outlandishness and it did its job well. That said, one thing I especially liked is that some small percentage of their stories would be legitimate, albeit weird (and usually spun in a way to make them weirder) so it was always a challenge to distinguish between the genuine and the faux lunacy.

I sometimes wondered what it would be like to live in that hallucinatory parallel world that it depicted: a place where toasters could be possessed by the souls of the departed, a place where arctic bore holes could pierce the very bowels of hell, a place where zombies formed labor unions. I even toyed with the idea of using it as source-material for an X-Files on steroids RPG game.

I am sad to report that the Weekly World News is soon to be no more. Readership has been declining for years now (exacerbated by a change in owners and editorial direction) and the publishers have decided to pull the plug. The last issue will be printed on August the 27th. I hope it'll have a Bat Boy headline.

Steve, Don't Eat It!

Steve, Don't Eat that!
I have, in my time, eaten a few exotic things. I have had chicken feet and frogs legs, snake, crickets and have even supped of the delicacy called Bird's Nest Soup (now with genuine swallow spittle). Never the less, there are people in this world who make my culinary adventures seem about as daring as putting hot sauce on a California roll.

Steve, Don't Eat It! is a semi-regular feature of The Sneeze. The eponymous Steve dares to eat things that most people would only call food for lack of a better categorization. His efforts include everything from pickled pork rinds to Beggin' Strips (in the form factor of a Beggin', lettuce and tomato sandwich). He then provides a pithy review of the experience with such comments as

Not unlike Michael Jackson, these harmless soybeans had undergone some kind of hideous transformation. They were now a freakish version of their former selves. (Which, coincidentally, should also be kept away from your children.)
Be forewarned that Steve's descriptive skills are such that you may well find yourself experiencing sympathetic nausea.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Unstructured Archetypes: The Detective


He is Adrian Monk. He is Sam Spade. He is William of Baskerville . He is The Question.

He can be a woman, but is usually a man.

The Detective’s life is defined by Quests that take the form of a mystery.

Unlike a normal Quest, which is to acquire Something or to defeat a Villain, a mystery is a Quest where a Puzzle needs to be solved. To be sure, the solution of the puzzle will often be the fulcrum of the villain's defeat.

The Detective’s moral universe is stark but complex. Good and Evil are distinct but telling one from the other is difficult.

He is vulnerable to the Femme Fatale. He is prone to mistake her for his One True Love.

On those rare occasions where he does find his One True Love, she will inevitably be killed. He will then avenge her.

Unlike other Heroes, the Detective can have many One True Loves.

Not all Detectives are detectives, nor are all detectives Detectives.

Neither Batman nor Sherlock Holmes are Detectives. They are Competent Men.

The Detective is fallible. He can be misled and deceived. He can also fail to get the bad guy. Alone among Heroes, he can remain a Hero even when the Villain wins – at least for the moment.

His life is tragic. It is defined by his mistakes and his losses and much as by his successes.

His friends tend to die. Never the less, those friends he has are loyal to him.

His greatest weapons are his wits and his luck. When things are at their worst, he’s prone to have a Stroke of Luck, often as a result of Thinking on his Feet.

He is street smart. He may also be educated but his most critical skills are being able to judge others, to spot inconsistencies, and to see through deceptions.

He can usually fight but he isn’t a warrior, much less a soldier.

He is lonely.

He is often an atheist although he wishes that there were a God. Above all else, he believes in Justice and despairs of ever finding it.

Unstructured Fractals

TranscendentalThere is never a wrong time for fractals, and Fractal World Gallery is your go to place for best fractals on the market.

They make great anniversary gifts, you know.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Drive Fast


Just for the record, I'm embedding this clip specifically to irritate my girlfriend, who is a NASCAR fan.

I love you honey!

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Tell me when this blog is updated. . .