Roxanne, Don't Put on the Redshirt Tonight...

Anyone with the least bit of geek in their blood knows that the reason you're given a red shirt, if your a member of the starship Enterprise, is because it's easier for the ship's laundry to disguise the bloodstains. This factoid has become so well known, in fact, that it has become a cliché.

True geekery looks beyond the cliché. True geekery analyzes the data, which is precisely what The Inside Track has done. Their report tells us, for instance, that if you happen to be a redshirt, your odds for survival improve immensely if you can manage to get the captain laid.

Camelot Meets Star Trek

"It's a silly place."

"You don't know the history of mind melds! I know the history of mind melds!"

Warning: you are about to read an uber-geeky post.

If you remember the original series, you may recall one character who was horribly disfigured and consigned to a life-support wheelchair where he was limited to beeping out yes and no answers to questions. That was the character of Captain Christopher Pike and he was featured in one of the most beloved episodes entitled The Menagerie.

In any case, there's a rumor that J.J. Abrams (of Lost fame) would like Tom Cruise to play Captain Christopher Pike in the upcoming Star Trek movie. This has caused a great deal of wailing and kvetching in the geek community, which brings us to:

The Top Ten List of Actual Responses to the Cruise-as-Pike Rumor (as Seen on Digg)

10. The movie is already destined to bomb, are they looking for a guarantee?

9. Is he going to act in the movie or just be a fact checking resource for space travel and alien accuracy?

8. I like the idea only if it involves the older Captain Pike in his vegetative state[...]. In this case, Tom Cruise is perfect for the part!

7. To boldly go where no movie should ever have gone.

6. Only if he's wearing a red shirt.

5. When are the Jews going to take Hollywood back from the Scientologists?

4. Captain, Scientology is a scam and a cult. You are being highly illogical.

3. Beep Beep! ... Beep Beep!

2. My buddies didn't die face down in the mud for this.

And the number one comment is... [drumroll]

1. TOMMMMMMMMM!!!

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Comments courtesy of the Digg user community. List courtesy of Rob Berry.