Unstructured Archetypes: The Paladin

He is Luke Skywalker. He is Galahad. He is Yojimbo. He is Superman.

He is a man. In principle, he could be a woman, but this never seems to actually happen.

His virtue is his greatest asset. The Villain may be smarter, wealthier, more powerful, but he will always defeat the Villain because of his innate goodness.

He is spiritual. He is also a warrior.

He is not a sexual being. He values love (and may have a One True Love), but does not put any value on carnality. His ideal love is unrequited. If he does have sex, it is only so that he may have a son to take his place.

He is on a Quest. He may not Put Down the Sword until the Quest is complete.

Once he Puts Down the Sword, he may rest, but there is always the possibility that he may need to Pick Up the Sword again.

He will avenge his comrades but he will not take vengeance. He gains no joy in defeating the Villain. It is simply a moral necessity.

He is a protector of the weak. He may suffer insults but he will never stand for allowing those who are defenseless to be bullied or terrorized. Protecting the weak is the only thing that can detour him from his Quest… but only for a time.

The Quest is his First Love. He may also have a One True Love, but she can not prevent him from Taking up the Sword and Going on a Quest.

He is holy, but he will deny this.

He can be betrayed but never corrupted. Those who become corrupted were only ever False Paladins. This is not a circular observation. The virtues of a True Paladin are innate and incorruptible.

A Paladin can become Lost. He may become confused by evil and lose his way. If this happens, he will need to take a side-quest to redeem himself. Only then can he continue his Quest. Never the less, he remains incorrupt.

His moral universe is stark and simple. He believes in Good and Evil and he knows the difference between them.

Honor is the highest virtue. Without honor, there is no virtue.

He will not take advantage of his enemy’s weaknesses. He will meet his foes only in honorable combat. The notion of sneaking around and stabbing his enemies while they are off-guard is repugnant to him.

He is a soldier and he may fight in battles and in defense of his Liege but, ultimately, he Fights Alone.

It is likely that he has a Mentor. In some rare cases, he will have more than one.

His primary source of education is the Spiritual Quest. It is far more important that he learns how to be virtuous than it is that he learns to be lettered. He values wisdom above knowledge.

He knows God to exist but he does not proselytize. He leads by example.

Unsolicited Musings

It would seem that my series of archetype posts has been reasonably popular. A number of people have contacted me asking me if I'd be willing to accept submissions for further archetypes entries. The answer to that is a definite yes.

If you want to do an archetype write-up, email me with your idea before you start writing it up. I have a number of entries already in the queue and I would like to avoid duplication. If you would like, I'll be happy to suggest one. Bear in mind that archetypes aren't limited to people. An archetype can be a place, a thing, a creature, an event, or even an abstraction. The main criteria for something being an archetype is that it is a constant type that repeats itself in a recognizable way over a broad range of works.

Try, to the best of your ability, to follow the style that I've been laying out. In particular, I would encourage you to use relatively short, declarative statements.

Once you have it written, send me a draft. I will respond with an edited draft where I may reorder and even rewrite some of what you have written (however, you have the final verdict on what gets published since your name is going to be on it). Let me know if you have a preferred image to go along with it and include a brief biographical blurb about yourself that I can include at the end of your article.

Likewise, if you have a non-archetype essay you'd like to submit, send me an email and tell me what you'd like to write about. Unstructured Musings is meant to be an omnibus so I'm always happy to have another point of view to offer.

New Poll

There is a new poll (see sidebar). I'd appreciate it if you could take a moment to fill it out.

Unstructured Acrobotics

Acrobots are cute, little three legged things that grab on to and push off from one another, tumbling and bouncing around (not to be confused with Autobots which are robots in disguise).

Unstructured Archetypes: The Smurf

He is Papa Smurf. He is Brainy Smurf. He is Handy Smurf. She is Smurfette.

The Smurf is male except when she is Smurfette. Then she is female.

The Smurf is blue.

The Smurf is Three Apples High. The Smurf despises Standard Units of Measurement.

The Warlock hates the Smurf. The Warlock Covets the Smurf. The Warlock can neither destroy nor possess the Smurf. This pisses the Warlock off.

The Smurfs moral universe is monochromatic. It is neither black nor white. It is blue.

The Smurf has a Quirk. The Quirk defines the Smurf. Smurfette’s Quirk is that she is a Girl.

The Smurf has a Hat. The Smurf has Pants (or a Dress). The Smurf does not have a Shirt. The Smurf fears the Shirt.

The Cat chases the Smurf. The Cat cannot catch the Smurf. This creates a Dynamic Interaction.

The Smurf does not have sex, all rumors to the contrary. The Smurf does not have genitals. This frustrates the Smurf.

The Smurf is annoying.

The Smurf likes to sing. This makes the Smurf even more annoying.

The Smurf is imperiled. The Smurf’s life is a continual state of jeopardy, and yet the Smurf still sings. Why, for the love of God, won’t it stop singing?

The Smurf does not understand Adjectives and Nouns. It fears them and tries to control them by assimilating them. To the Smurf, all things are Smurf or Smurfy.

It is assumed that the Smurf tastes good. No one knows why.

The Smurf is not godless. The Smurf is godlessness. To gaze upon the Smurf is to gaze upon the Abyss.

Unstructured Chicken and Waffles

The movie Tapeheads was largely unremarkable with the single, but fantastic, exception of this scene which takes the form of a rapping commercial for "Roscoe's House of Chicken 'N' Waffles".

Curiously, there really is a Roscoe's in SoCal and it is, apparently, a fairly popular place to go. This factoid blows my mind.

Unstructured Archetypes: The Sinful Woman

She is Eve. She is Guinevere. She is Helen of Troy.

She is always a woman and never a man.

She Sinful Woman is not Evil; she is Flawed. The difference is important.

The Sinful Woman is the Hero’s One True Love. (Because of her sinfulness, however, he may eventually find his Other One True Love).

Because of her sinfulness, she destroys herself and those who love her.

Her sin is sexual. Her downfall is her desire for Carnal Pleasure. She confuses carnality for love and it is this confusion that causes her to betray the Hero.

The sinful woman is repentant. However, even if the Hero forgives her, she remains Flawed.

The Hero continues to love her, even after she has Fallen.

The Sinful Woman is usually childless. If she does have children, she passes to them a Flawed Legacy.

The Sinful Woman has a choice. She knows that her actions are sinful but she does them anyway.

Although the Sinful Woman will commit adultery, she is neither a slut nor a whore.

The Sinful Woman is beautiful. Her beauty is a reminder that virtue is more important than appearance.

The Sinful Woman believes in God. She just falls short of him.

Ingmar Bergman, RIP

I would seem that Swedish film maker and auteur Ingmar Bergman has finally lost the Great Chess Game at the venerable age of eighty-nine.

I think that this is a perfect opportunity to suggest that you go out and rent a copy of The Seventh Seal, which is largely regarded as his magnum opus.

The Seventh Seal is the story of a knight returning from the Crusades during a time of plague. Early in the film, he encounters Death (a scene often parodied, as with Budweiser's "Sad Clown of Death") who challenges him to a game of chess. What follows is something that is simultaneously meditative, poignant, wry, thought provoking and beautiful

If you're worried that it's going to be just another incomprehensible foreign film, I will assure you that it's perfectly accessible and very easy to enjoy and appreciate. To be sure, it is a deeply philosophical movie and, given that the topic is death and the meaning of life, it isn't what I would call light; never the less, unlike too many supposed classics, it's not the sort of film that tries to prove to the audience that the director is so much smarter than they are by way of baroque and pointless complexity. Indeed, the plot is remarkably straightforward.

Unstructured Archetypes: The Sidekick

He is Tonto. He is Robin. He is Morningglum. He is Samwise Gamgee.

He can be a woman, but only if the Hero is a woman. Heroes don’t have co-ed sidekicks.

He is either younger than the Hero or of a lower social caste (or sometimes both). The sidekick can not be the Hero’s social better.

The Sidekick loves the Hero. That love is never sexual, but it often has a sexual intensity. The Sidekick, never the less, is not gay. His relationship with the Hero is always chaste.

If the Hero ever did want to have sex with the Sidekick, he probably would say yes but, since the Hero won’t, the point is moot.

Sidekicks can have girlfriends (and usually will) and even wives, but they can not have a One True Love. Their primary love will always be the Hero.

A Sidekick can be heroic. A Sidekick can even Save the Day. The Sidekick, however, will never Complete the Quest, Defeat the Villain, or Get the Girl. Those accomplishments are reserved to the Hero.

The Sidekick’s main responsibility is to Take the Bullet. Once the sidekick has done this, the Hero will proceed to avenge him.

The Hero is the Mentor of the Sidekick. The Hero can teach the Sidekick but never the other way around.

A Sidekick can eventually grow up and go out into the world to have his own adventures, but he will always be in the shadow of the True Hero.

The Sidekick can betray the Hero through his own weakness. If he does, he will regret it and will have to redeem himself to the Hero.

The Sidekick wants to be a Hero but he is not jealous of the Hero. At most, he wishes that he could live up to the Hero’s example.

The Sidekick can provide Comic Relief. Although the Hero can be embarrassed (often by the Sidekick), the Hero will never be mistaken for a clown. This is not true of the Sidekick.

The Sidekick will try to comfort the Hero in times of distress but he can never be the one to resolve the Hero’s anguish.

The Sidekick would avenge the Hero if he could, but he never will be required to. At most he’ll be under the mistaken belief that the Hero needs to be avenged. In the end, though, the Hero must provide his own vengeance.

The Sidekick may carry the Hero if the Hero is wounded, but never all the way.

The Sidekick usually believes in God, but won't say anything unless the Hero asks him. The bulk of his worship is reserved for the Hero.

Unstructured Archetypes: The Femme Fatale

She is Mata Hari. She is Morgana le Fey. She is every Film Noir vixen.

There is no Homme Fatale. The closest to that ideal is The Seducer, but The Seducer wants to seduce the Hero’s One True Love and not The Hero.

Her goal is to seduce and betray the Hero.

She may also seduce the Villain, but she won’t ever love the Villain (not truly).

She is feminine. She misuses her femininity, but she does not employ masculine means to achieve her goals.

She does not see herself as evil. Deep inside, she’s motivated by her sense of frailty. She is afraid of men and uses her womanhood against them. She also wants to be loved but is not willing to admit that to herself.

Sex is her weapon.

She is both sexual and carnal. She likes sex, both for its pleasure and because of its power.

Only the Hero can make her fall in love.

Only the Hero can give her an orgasm (although she does know how to fake it).

Unlike the One True Love, she’ll have sex on screen (or on page, as the case may be).

Sex is never tender (even with the Hero) and is often kinky.

If she ever falls in love, she will die. The Hero will avenge her, of course (although she won’t ever be the axis of his vengeance) but she will remain dead all the same.

Her death validates her deepest fear: vulnerability is fatal; however, the love she feels serves to redeem her, especially if she sacrifices her life for the Hero.

She can never become the One True Love. She can sometimes dupe a Hero into believing that she is, but she ain’t.

She is beautiful. This goes without saying.

She is comfortable with knives and poison. She’ll use a gun if she has to, but it’s really a horrible lapse of style when that happens.

She is vain. She can not stand the thought of other people being more attractive, and she is repulsed by True Beauty.

She is doomed. The Femme Fatale does not survive to the end of the story. Half the time, she won’t even reach the 75% mark.

The Femme Fatale is not spiritual. If she believes in God, she doesn't give him much thought.

Turning a Pencil into a Light Source

I'm skeptical of the practicality of this but, at the same time, it does appeal to my inner MacGyver.

Unstructured Archetypes: The Mastermind

He is Emperor Palpatine. He is Goldfinger. He is Lex Luthor.

He is Evil. He is not misunderstood. He is not misguided. He is not morally confused. He is Evil.

He can be a woman, but it’s very rare. When he is a woman, she has no feminine qualities other than the ability to seduce… as a last resort.

He is intelligent. He is often more intelligent than the Hero (unless the Hero is a Competent Man, and even then it’s usually too close to call). He misuses his intelligence, however.

He is a sociopath. He likes to murder and he likes to cause suffering. This is his only true pleasure.

If he is wealthy, he will go out of his way to make sure you understand he’s wealthy. He is ostentatious in his enjoyment of wealth so as to cause envy in those around him. He uses his wealth to destroy others.

He is not a Thug. He does not like to fight (although he may be very good at it if required to). He prefers to win by his wits and his schemes. He prefers for other people to do his dirty business.

He does not love; he lusts and covets. If he desires someone (usually the Hero’s One True Love), it is not out of adoration or fondness; it is so that he can cage and ravish her.

Although he will invariably be defeated by the hero, his true downfall is from his own moral failings. He always creates the circumstances of his own downfall.

He has an endless supply of minions, thugs, patsies, and dupes, but he does not have friends or Sidekicks. He does not acknowledge the equality of anyone and he despises camaraderie of any sort.

The Mastermind is often ugly or disfigured, but he can also be very handsome. In either case, his twisted morality will make him ugly and unattractive to those who are virtuous.

He is a manipulator. He does not empathize with others, but he understands how others think well enough to bend them to his will. Words and emotions are his weapons.

He enjoys moral sophistry. He wants you to believe that he is not truly evil, and that you are not truly good, but he is lying. He knows that he is Evil and harbors no confusion or regret.

He does not believe in Good. He believes that those who are Good are deluded or weak. He doesn’t believe that the Hero would continue to be Good if the Hero were smart enough to open his eyes, but neither does he care.

He is hard to kill. You can destroy him again and again but he’ll usually escape at the last moment and Return Another Day. When you do actually kill him, however, it is a Cause for Celebration.

He is an atheist. It would be impossible for him to acknowledge a power greater than himself. If he does happen to "worship" Satan, it is only as a conduit for power.

Screaming Beans

They are beans. They scream. You smoosh them.

Why do you smush them, like the finger of a wrathful god? Are they sinful beans? Is this a divine mercy to end their miserable existence? Do they annoy you? Is it just because?

It does not matter. Do no question the wrathful, smooshing finger of God.

Unstructured Archetypes: The Competent Man

He is James Bond. He is Aragorn. He is Jack Ryan. He is Roland, the Gunslinger. He is Batman. He is also Lara Croft and Honor Harrington.

He can be a woman (see above), but only if she possesses all of the masculine virtues.

He is a hero. Make no mistake.

He is strong. Physically and emotionally.

He is tough. You can torture him. You can bereave him. You can not break him.

All things that he does, he does with perfection, whether it is tying a knot, building a fortress, or slaying his enemies -- especially slaying his enemies.

He is an expert is many things. He knows all things with respect to his profession and many other things besides. If he were interested in formal education, he’d have a hundred PhDs.

He went to the school of hard knocks. All of the important things he knows were learned the hard way.

He is loyal to his friends and loved ones. If you are hurt or killed, he will avenge you. Corollary: if you are a friend or a loved one, there’s a very good chance that you will need to be avenged.

He had a Mentor. That mentor might still be alive but is probably dead, and most likely requires avenging.

He is usually multilingual. He picks up new languages with ease.

He is a master of arms. If you give him a weapon, he’ll know how to use it. If you give him something that isn’t a weapon, he’ll know how to use it as a weapon. Of course, he can also kill you with his bare hands… or his teeth.

He’s moral but pragmatic. He doesn’t get tripped up by ethical dilemmas; his world lacks shades of gray. Even when his actions seem amoral, he’s fighting on the side of the angels, and don’t you forget it.

It goes without saying that he’s an excellent lover. He always brings his partners to the most intense climaxes of their lives. If he’s a man, he will have almost always have had many partners. Never the less, he will have a One True Love (and, rarely, an Other One True Love). That love will most likely have been killed.

Villains can be competent, but never as competent as The Competent Man. They are also doomed (even if they do, eventually, return).

He knows how to party, but he’s not a hedonist. He has no problem putting away his pleasures when the time comes to act, and that time is always soon.

He’s a survivalist. You can drop him in the middle of any environment with nothing at all and he’ll know how to forage and thrive.

He can be wounded, but never permanently crippled (even if he does lose a few fingers or a even a limb). Nothing can prevent him from being Competent.

He’s got few friends, which is probably for the best.

He is always the most handsome man (or most beautiful woman) in the room, even if his features are roughly hewn.

There is no competent missus. If, by some miracle, the competent man becomes married, and his spouse doesn’t get killed, his tenure as a Competent Man is over. He can, however, pass on his legacy to his son.

The Competent Man doesn’t take any shit. Don’t even think about it.

He’s got regrets, but nothing that a good avenging can’t take care of.

The Competent Man may be godly or agnostic. If he starts out as an atheist, he will not remain one.

Reboot! Unstructured Musings 2.0

You may have noticed that the blog looks a bit different, today. Actually, it's a lot different, but most of that difference should be invisible to you.

Awhile back, Blogger introduced a new 2.0 template with lots of features. Unfortunately, to take advantage of it, I needed to redo my CSS style-sheet from scratch, so I've been putting it off. I have finally taken the plunge. I've tried to retain most of the look and feel of the 1.0 blog, while taking advantage of some of the new features.

The biggest change is to comments. I'm now using the integrated comments that Blogger provides. This has quite a few advantages to me (not least being that when I get notifications, I'll be able to tell what post had had comments added). Sadly, this does mean that all of the old Haloscan comments are gone, which is disappointing since I've loved to go back an re-read them from time to time.

Other changes include a hierarchical archive of posts, which you can use to drill down to a given date and post, as well as a list of labels on the sidebar, which makes it much easier to navigate to topics. There's also a mail-to icon under each post so that now you can easily mail posts to friends (hint, hint).

There's still some tweaking to be done before I can get the design to quite where I want it, but I hope that you'll approve of the changes in the meanwhile.

Speaking of which, if you could take a moment to vote on the poll (see sidebar), I'd certainly appreciate it.