Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Evil Overlord

Let's face it, villains have the most fun (especially the sort that aspire to supervillainy). About the only problem with choosing villain as a career path is that pesky way that heroes have of ruining the fun.

More often than not, the reason that heroes are so consistently able to defeat their villainous counterparts is, to put it frankly, because villains leave themselves open to defeat. Perhaps there is some psychological "fear of success" rationale behind this but most villains aren't the sort who are interested in going to a shink to address their unresolved issues. That's what doomsday devices are for.

For the practical villain, there is the "Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
" list which is nothing less than a practical compendium of good advice for the aspiring world dominator. It includes such sensible thoughts as:

  • When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

  • I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

  • My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

  • I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

Once you've given yourself time to absorb these lessons, you might want to check out the demo for Evil Genius to see if you have the chops to become a truly great villain.

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